Am I the only one to detect a pattern here?

A year ago yesterday a Caucasian named Anders Behring Breivik allegedly murdered 77 Norwegians. Friday a Caucasian named James Holmes allegedly murdered 12 people at a Colorado movie theatre not far from a high school where two Caucasians allegedly murdered 13 people. Three years ago, a Caucasian allegedly murdered 13 people in a Texas military base. In March, Staff Sgt. Robert Bales allegedly murdered at least 17 Afghan citizens.

These incidents and a number like them raise the question of whether law enforcers could have prevented them by racial profiling of Caucasians. Now, some bleeding heart liberals will start yelping about “collective punishment,” blaming a whole race for the actions of a few “bad apples.” In response, conservatives may point out that society has the right to protect itself from a race disproportionately responsible for mass murders in this country.

Now, there’s another pattern in the above incidents: The alleged Caucasian perpetrators were male. This raises the question of whether we ought to profile people by sex. Of course, the liberals will start kvetching about sexism.

Still, another pattern. None of the alleged perps had gray hair. Maybe we ought to profile by age even at the risk of being called ageists.

To be fair, not all mass murders can be attributed to young male Caucasians. The alleged murderer in the 2007 Virginia Tech massacre appears to have East Asian ancestry. So maybe we ought to profile young, males who aren’t black, Native American or Hispanic.

But George Zimmerman reportedly has Hispanic ancestry. I wonder if the cops had profiled him properly would Trayvon Martin be alive today?

This is getting more complicated than I thought when I started this essay. Were any of the alleged perps gay? Hm, should we start profiling heteros? Should we investigate the perps’ political leanings? How many were liberals and how many conservatives? Let’s see. These guys all had guns. That leads me to believe they were not big fans of gun control. Should we start profiling members of the National Rifle Association?

From the photos of these alleged perps, I notice none of them appear to be extremely fat. We keep hearing about an epidemic of obese Americans. Should we start profiling the non-obese?

What do readers think? Where do you stand on profiling young relatively thin heterosexual conservative men with no black or Native American ancestry?

When you send in your opinions, please include your race, age, weight, sexual preference, political ideology, eye color, smoker or non-smoker and whether you prefer paper or plastic.

That way we can better profile you.