By MIKE DUNHAM

By Mike Dunham

Surely, this is the reason the Devil invented the internet: So that mortals could revel in snippy exchanges like the ones that passed through my in-box earlier this month.

It began on Jan. 4 when a local artist (no, you won’t get the names from me) sent out a bulk e-mail complaining about the online process required to respond to calls for art put out by the Alaska State Council on the Arts - called CaFE, for "Call For Entries" - specifically a request for proposals for a percent for art project in Fairbanks with a looming deadline.

“If you are not connected with a high speed broadband, you will not have the patience to upload your images repeatedly only to be told how they fail to be acceptable after a long digestive period,” said artist wrote. “From my own personal experience, files that were finally loaded successfully when I first encountered this website are no longer there, how nice for me.

“BTW: there is a deadline for submitting to the Alaska Contemporary Art Bank in March, which has not been announced by ASCA and can only be found by leafing forward through the poorly formatted calendars of CAFE.

“Today is the deadline for the Fairbanks Airport prospectus. Good luck, I quit.”

Response came fast and furious, and the internet provided a front row seat. “You seem kind of grumpy about tech issues, for a guy whose link to himself at his own web page connects to nothing,” said one recipient of the original complaint. “{I am not affiliated with the ASCA anymore - but thanks for the hissy fit bitch slap. You get more flies with honey, in my experience, but this approach his it’s own charms, I am sure.”

Another artist responded, “This is a most ridiculous and uninformed statement. To keep you from having upload failures, follow the directions! … From my own personal experience, files that were finally loaded successfully when I first encountered this website are no longer there, how nice for me.”

This correspondent said he’d been working with the online submission format for almost five years. “To date all the images that I successfully uploaded have remained online and available. CAFE does not edit or alter your account or its content.”

He allowed that ASCA had made many changes suggested by users of the system and that more were “in the pipe.” He also noted that the deadline for the Fairbanks prospectus had been extended.

One individual with some association with ASCA said: “I'm guessing these e-mails are going out to every artist and organization in the state. I am sure ASCA will take care of the problem as soon as they get into the office tomorrow. Until then, to avoid filling up everyone's e-mail boxes (my address is in there twice), PLEASE DON'T "reply all" until ASCA has had a chance to respond to the two problems.”

ASCA requires project applicants to register through www.callforentry.org (CaFÉ). They offer periodic orientation sessions by teleconference. The next will take place on Jan. 26. Get information and RSVP at 269-6610 or 1-888-278-7424 or andrea.noble@alaska.gov.

Most reactions were much more blunt.

“Please remove me from this list.”

“Please remove me, too. That was a rude e-mail.”

“Ditto! And do it now!”

But please, please, please leave me on it! This is more entertaining than “Avatar.”