For most of my life, I have been one of those people who doesn't get a flu shot. The phobia started years ago when I was working on a story about a retiring mail carrier. We spent a morning walking his route through a neighborhood in North Portland and he told me about his life. His mother had problems from Guillain-Barre syndrome, which crippled her. He told me he suspected it had something to do with her getting a flu shot months before coming down with symptoms in the 1970s. He'd spent several decades caring for her and never married.

Somewhere I'd also heard that shot could make you sick, which seemed highly inconvenient. And, even though my dad is a doctor who gets a flu shot every year, I had a hazy distrust about anything that came from pharmaceutical companies and was distributed from the government. Plus, who likes getting a shot? So I went through my 20s shot-free.

But then, over the last year, I got the flu. Possibly twice, though I wasn't tested. I blamed it on hanging out with my cousin's perma-snotty toddler and going to the courthouse a lot. I missed work and spent days on the couch hugging a Kleenex box and watching marathons of "Jon & Kate Plus 8." It was miserable. I swore I wouldn't have another winter like that.

And so it's started getting colder. And I started singing the happy birthday song twice while I washed my hands and slathering on the sanitizer. The idea of the shot loomed. But I still didn't trust it.

I posted on my Facebook page and Twitter to see if other people had flu shot issues. Responses poured in. People said they thought the shot made them sick. Others said they didn't like needles. A few wrote about chemicals in the shot, in particular thimerosal, an organic compound that contains mercury. Several people sent me links to seriously paranoid anti-vaccine Web sites. One person said they heard from conservative commentator Glenn Beck they shouldn't get one. Another said they'd rather pray.

I decided to do a little research. I called up Beth Funk, an epidemiologist with the state Division of Public Health. Funk told me getting a shot was a good idea even if I'm not in a high-risk group. She gets one every year.

This year, there are two flu shots, one for the seasonal flu and one for H1N1, or swine flu. Kids may need a second H1N1 vaccination to be fully protected, she said. The only shot available right now is the regular flu shot. You can get that at the doctor or at most pharmacies. It's a good idea to call first.

I told her my story about the mail carrier and Guillain-Barre. She said there had been some concern about that and a vaccine for a strain of swine flu in 1976. Studies of the link between the regular flu vaccine and the syndrome have had different results and the link remains controversial. If there was an increased risk, it was very tiny, she said. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention say one study showed the risk was one in a million. The risk of getting serious flu complications, like pneumonia or other infections is much higher. Those cause 36,000 deaths a year.

I thought about that. It seemed like getting the shot was just plain common sense. So why were so many people opposed to it? And why were there so many paranoid ideas out there?

Funk said what starts some of the rumors about flu shot is that people happen to have problems afterward, like heart attacks or miscarriages. Those things would probably have happened anyway, but they blame it on the shot, she said.

"All of those bad things happen all the time," she said.

The vaccines have been widely tested, and there aren't links to problems like those. I asked her if the flu shot could give you the flu. She said no. The shot doesn't contain a live virus, so it can't make you sick. But some people get respiratory viruses or even the flu (the vaccine takes a few weeks to take effect) afterward and they blame it on the shot. The main side effect is a sore arm for a few days.

What about the fact that I already had the flu? Wouldn't I be immune? Probably not, she said. The virus changes all the time, which is why you can get the flu over and over again. Even getting the shot wasn't perfect protection. I could still get the flu, but chances were it would be more mild, she said.

I asked about thimerosal. There was a tiny amount in some flu shots, she said. Those given to children didn't have thimerosal. Some places offered preservative-free shots to adults as well. It had been studied and shown not to cause harm, she said .

After I hung up, I thought of the long afternoons sick on the couch. It seemed like most of the things I'd heard about the shot were either wrong or overblown. I decided to go through with it.

I called around and the cheapest shot I could find, available on a weekday afternoon, was $24.99 at Walgreens. They wouldn't bill my insurance, but I could submit the receipt and get reimbursed for the whole amount. When I got there, the brand-new store was mostly empty. I went right up to the pharmacy, filled out a consent form and took a seat. A guy with a hacking cough sat next to me waiting for a prescription. I tried to stifle hostile germ-aphobic thoughts, but couldn't help holding my breath a little.

The pharmacist called my name. I went into a little room in the back. A young woman with a syringe gave me the injection of a vaccine called Fluvirin. I paid and left. The whole thing took 15 minutes.

Driving home, I realized I forgot to ask for a preservative free-version, which Walgreens offers if you ask. I decided not to stress about it. As I write this, it's been three days. My arm is a little sore, but aside from that, I'm just fine. We'll see if it keeps me off the couch this winter.