He's gone, I miss you little brother

Posted by stumpysblog

Posted: January 16, 2009 - 10:35 pm

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Andrew and Ryan summer 08
He went in his sleep yesterday just past 7pm. I have been blessed to spend these last few days with him. Since arriving here I just kind of fell into the role of spending the night with him. Our mom just made it into the room, I was sleeping in a chair next to him with my head on his arm and holding his hand. He just kind of slowed down and stopped breathing.

I'm not too sure what to put here. A thousand things keep rushing through my head. Towards the end he was pretty un-responsive. Three things got his attention though. His wife's voice, our mom's voice, and when I would grab his hand.

I guess the plan was to start the chemo when he regained his strength, but the cancer spread like wildfire once they removed the tumor. He had tiny pockets of cancer cells throughout his abdomen and in his lymphnodes. It was just eating him up.

He was at peace. I think he knew that there would be plenty of help, his son will turn one on the 28th of Feb. We talked about how he would come up to Alaska to stay with us in the summers. His son and JJ running around on the four wheelers and getting into trouble. Maybe even "borrowing" a boat from a neighbors house to fish, like he and I did when we were 9 and 10.

A great man and friend, Darrick Gutting, prayed with him over the phone. Darrick is an Army chaplain and fellow Alaskan (he's part of the Seavey clan). He helped my mom through so much following me being hit. She has so much love and respect for that man. She called and spoke to him and he called to speak with Andy. They spoke for a bit and prayed, I think that helped my brother out alot.

In the end I believe he knew it was his time, and I am so thankfull I got to share that with him! Neither one of us was too emotional, and brothers go through life with alot of things going unsaid. I got a chance to tell him that I was so proud of him and the family has made for himself. I think alot of men don't get that chance. Death can often come unexpectedly and many times can leave us with a laundry list of things that we wished we had a chance to say.

He was still my little brother to the end. We still talked about the pretty nurses and we both laughed when one of us "buck-snorted" (use your imagination).
Andy & JJ swinging at Walter Reed summer 07
I am thankfull that my son had a chance to spend the night at the hospital with his "uncle billy goat" and me. That was also one of the last nights tha Andrew was lucid. We spoke earlier and he didn't want JJ to have to see him when he was out of it. It tore my heart out when, towards the end, JJ would say to me "Daddy I've been good all day, can I go see my uncle billy goat with you?". He thought that he had done something wrong, and I just pray that my son will understand when he is older.
Andy fishing summer 08
His memorial service will be this Monday. Family is coming up from as far as Tennesee. Following the days events, J and I will be heading back to Walter Reed. For the time being Danny and the girls will stay in Minneapolis to help my mom and Andy's wife.

I'm going hunting next wekend Andy said he'd be pretty upset with me if I missed it. We're hunting Sika deer on Assateague Island off the Eastern shore of Maryland. Up to three a day with a bow, hopefully we can send home plenty of meat for his boy.Andy grouse hunt fall 08

As I wrap this up for now, I'm overwhelmed by the things I want to say here. There was so much about my little brother to love, and I can't believe he's gone. Really now, who dies of colon cancer at the age of thirty? I'll keep up the postings. Now that I'm not nocturnal in the hospital anymore, I should have a chnce to get on here a bit more frequently.

Until next time, Ferg

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