Birth & Beginnings: childbirth conversations

Hello mothers and mothers-to-be! This blog focuses on pregnancy, childbirth, children, and parenting. Along with providing helpful information and resources, it is also a place to discuss choices and trends in these areas. The blog will inform and encourage mothers as we share and learn from each other. It is not a place to say that one opinion is better than another; instead it is a forum for camaraderie and for sharing personal experiences. So feel free to read, respond, and absorb information on a daily basis as together we traverse this world of motherhood.


Laura Tolman, CCE, LSP

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Laura Tolman is a local certified childbirth educator and labor support professional. She also works as a postpartum doula. She and her husband are long time Alaskans and are the parents and forming relationships with families while learning about other cultures. In her free time Laura enjoys writing freelance articles, poetry, and the performing arts. Her favorite pastime is being with family and coaxing uproarious laughter out of her young son.

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Pre-natal Exercise - 8/22/2008 10:35 pm

No Fear - 8/17/2008 12:02 am

Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD) - 8/14/2008 10:20 pm

Connect With Moms - 8/7/2008 10:40 pm

The Chronic Whiner - 8/6/2008 10:55 pm

Last month of pregnancy - 8/1/2008 10:41 pm

Baby’s sleeping arrangements - 7/21/2008 11:02 pm

How many children? - 7/16/2008 11:38 pm

Go For the Full 40 - 7/11/2008 11:41 pm

Dream of Numbers - 7/7/2008 11:23 pm

Happy 4th of July - 7/4/2008 9:18 pm

Dealing with an Unexpected Birth Outcome - 7/1/2008 10:02 am

Another Breastfeeding Benefit - 6/25/2008 10:16 pm

Affirmations and Birth - 6/22/2008 10:53 pm

Inductions and the Bishop Score - 6/14/2008 5:03 pm

Pelvic Floor Muscle Myth - 6/8/2008 12:01 am

Mom, the Ultimate Multi-tasker - 6/3/2008 10:00 pm

Mommy and Baby Separation - 5/29/2008 10:00 pm

Open Blog - 5/18/2008 4:30 pm

How long to exclusively breastfeed? - 5/15/2008 4:56 pm

The “Business of Being Born” Review - 5/13/2008 8:32 am

The Name Game - 5/11/2008 10:02 pm

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Dealing with an Unexpected Birth Outcome

Posted by mamas

Posted: July 1, 2008 - 10:02 am

Experts in the birthing field will tell you to leave room for the unexpected, but nothing is more difficult to prepare for. Here are some of the unexpected outcomes which parents may face:

• Inaccurate ultrasound confirmation of the gender of the baby
• The need for medical interventions that were not planned
• Long, painful labor in which the routine pain relieving techniques did not work
• Malposition of the baby (breech, acynclitic, persistent posterior)
• Ruptured membranes (water breaks) without the onset of labor
• Preterm labor and birth
• A baby with problems that require special attention or time in the NICU
• Cesarean birth
• Congenital anomaly in the baby
• Hemorrhaging or hysterectomy
• Infant Loss

It is important not to dwell on the potential for problems, but rather to have your birth plan in place in the event of one of these outcomes. Instead of approaching each topic from a place of fear and anxiety, it is better to have information and to utilize preventative measures where possible. It is also of value to have talked with your partner in advance and communicated your thoughts on these matters.

If you have one or more of these events occur, expect that it will take time to cycle through the emotions and physical ramifications. Give yourself as much thought processing time as needed and permission to grieve what was lost. Often it is helpful to express your feelings to a good friend, counselor, or in a journal. Talking about what happened with a support group or a person who has been through similar circumstances, can also be healing.

When dealing with unexpected outcomes, do not allow yourself or others to put undue pressures on you to move past it. This process will vary from person to person and can not be put in a box or generalized. There is no set timeline and whether it takes days or years to comprehend, that is okay. However, it is not healthy to dwell on “should of’s”, “could of’s” or “if only’s” either.

Well-meaning people may try to comfort you by saying “at least you have a healthy baby” or “it was not meant to be”, but these kinds of cliché statements often serve to negate your feelings of loss. Realize that your feelings are valid and should be acknowledged. Therefore, at the proper time, you can move forward with new motivation and determination. Having worked through the emotions of an unexpected birth outcome, you do not have to dwell in a place of unpleasantness permanently. Instead, many people choose to allow the experience to strengthen them in some way and then eventually move forward with a different outlook.

Regardless of whether you have undergone an unexpected birth outcome or not, you can be a source of strength for those who are currently experiencing these events. By listening to their thoughts, expressing encouragement, or just being a shoulder to cry on, you will make a difference.

Did you experience an unexpected outcome at birth and how did you work through it? Have you thought through how you would handle these unexpected outcomes?


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  2     July 3, 2008 - 9:42am | akvalleygirl74

As I've posted about on previous threads

I had an unexpected C with my first child that led me into choosing a C for my twins. I was only 22 and didn't know what to expect since I'd only read about a vaginal delivery. I was not upset but relieved when they told me I was going in for a C, because the whole process was artificial as I pumped with Pitocin and the contractions were incredibly strong. My pain tolerance was maxed out and I was just ready to meet my little girl.

I wasn't prepared for the pain afterwards. I was very fortunate to have a caring husband who helped me into the shower at home, where I sat in a lawn chair as he gently washed me. If it wouldn't have been for his tender loving care my recovery would have been much more difficult.

As far as grieving for the experience I was robbed of, I didn't....I focused all of my energy on breastfeeding successfully, and on being the best mom I could be with the little angel that was now in my care. Looking backwards served no practical purpose for me, and I tend to take a very practical approach to things. Falling completely in love with my darling little girl filled my whole heart and didn't leave much room for mourning.

Years later, after the birth of the twins, I'd watch delivery shows on cable. I'd watch the joy moms experienced as their new babies were laid on their chest directly after birth. There were twinges of sadness that I'd never get to experience that. But life dishes out what it does, and I hope to educate my girls when they are on the brink of motherhood with information that I hope will help them to have healthy vaginal deliveries.

My heart goes out to parents that experience lots of time in the NICU with their newborns. We only had to deal with 48 hours of NICU time with preventative care in case of lung infection, and that was very stressful and scary. I can't imagine having micropreemies or a baby born with big challenges that requires extended periods there.

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  July 4, 2008 - 2:16pm | ximi2003

I also watch those delivery

I also watch those delivery shows. I had my son vaginaly, but not all babys are placed on mommy after birth. Like with some births there are complications in my case my son had pooped in side my belly which was discovered when the doctors broke my water after 16 hours of labor. The doctor pulled him out I barly got a glimps and he was gone the nurse took him away. I do wish I would have gotten to see him right away, but I like you am thankful for a healthy baby and the doctors that helped me through it cause personaly baby poopy in my belly was something I had never heard of and was shocked when they told me. I didnt even know it was posible, my momma never told me that could happen lol.
At first I worried about it but now its become more of a family joke. I wish all mommys the best.

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  1     July 3, 2008 - 4:19am | aksurfmom

I did everything possible

I did everything possible (that I knew of at the time) to avoid a c/section but was devasted that I had one anyway. It really taught me a lot about blind trust in medicine, hospitals and doctors. Although it was extremely disappointing and I was angry for a long time, it sent me on a path of taking charge of my own health, doing research and not believing everything the medical establishment does is in my personal best interest as a patient.

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  July 3, 2008 - 9:26am | mamas

Other unplanned C's

Thanks for sharing, I know a lot of moms who are healing emotionally from an unplanned C-section. They did as much as they could or knew to do to prevent it. Sometimes there were legit reasons such as true fetal distress, while other times it was intervention upon intervention leading up to it. At least you have been able to move forward from that place.

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  July 3, 2008 - 9:36pm | aksurfmom

medically necessary?

But it is important to know that at least half of all cesearans in the U.S. are medically unnecessary. In the 70s if an O.B.'s c-section rate was over 5% they were considered incompetent. The World Health Organization recommends no more than 15%...and here we are in the U.S. with a 30% rate and climbing. I believed my c-sec was necessary at the time and I think a lot of women go through or stay in denial thinking that theirs was necessary because the doctor and the nurses said so.

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  July 4, 2008 - 10:01am | akvalleygirl74

In my own situation

I had my water broken and then 24 hours later a C was necessary because of risk of infection. It wasn't required that I have a C just because my water was broken, but to prevent a possible infection a C was performed. I'd rather my Dr err on the side of caution and deliver a healthy baby rather than do everything to prevent a C and risk an infection which could in turn hurt my baby and put my own health at risk.

My twin delivery could have been a VBAC but there was a risk of placental abruption....it wasn't a high risk, but one of the side affects of a placental abruption is fetal and maternal death. I'd rather have an elective C than risk that, and was given all of the info to make that choice. I'm thankful my Dr and peri let me have the choice after giving me all of the info, and I'm thankful I didn't deliver them in the 1970s. The rate of safe delivery of multiples is much higher now, and I recovered just fine. Let's not demonize C sections.

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  July 4, 2008 - 3:27pm | mamas

unexpected

In either case, medically necessary or not, a mom has a lot to recover from both physically and emotionally after an unplanned c-section...especially if her hopes were set on vaginal birth. I agree that women need to educate themselves as to what constitutes a real emergency and need to realize that they can not be forced into having a c-section. However, there is a place where being able to get the baby out in 15 minutes or less could mean life or death to mom or baby. The U.S. rates are way too high, but its also related in part to the pop star image of "its cool to have a c-section" and consumers are now electing them without information. Women need to take on the responsibility of educating themselves about cesareans and realize that not all medical providers have their best interests in mind. I've said it before, that one of the most important decisions a pregnant woman will make is finding a provider who sees eye to eye with her birthing views and values them. Then if the unexpected happens, it is nice to know that your provider did everything possible to prevent a cesarean and not push for it, and that ultimatly the choice is yours and not a provider's.

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