Expect the Unexpected Expenses: aka Bride2Be Goes To Traffic Court

Posted by brideblog

Posted: May 30, 2008 - 1:37 am

In between working, wedding planning, and living the Big Wild Alaskan Dream, I’ve spent a large portion of my time practicing, cross-examining and preparing for my big Boney Courthouse date with the Traffic Magistrate.

Back in January, on a cold, dark, snowy morning, I was driving to work, enjoying Week Three of a new job, and listening to the biography of Ben Franklin on CD to distract me from pulling out my fingernails during a two-hour 20-mile commute at less than five miles per hour. Sometimes, even Big Ben and his 17-Disc story wasn’t enough. That morning, the fresh snow was hiding a thin layer of ice slicker than snot, and I hadn’t yet mastered “the skid out” or the “whose lane is it anyway” winter sporting events.

With no depth perception and no visibility ---“Where were you then, Mr. Sun!? Where were you when I needed you, huh??!” --- me and my nerves of peanut brittle skidded through a yellow light ever so gently. Maybe I was still a car-length from the intersection when I locked eyes with the yellow, but when the flashing red lights appeared through the snow in my rear view mirror, I really thought they were for someone else, some baaaad person on the loose.

My court appearance was this afternoon. I really thought I had a case, since I’ve had over five months to plan for it. Please, Your Honor, let me tell you why my story is different than all those stories written up in the Anchorage Daily News who tried to get out of a ticket by blaming the weather. Allow me to cross examine the officer and submit evidence that shows why my case deserves a break unlike the 50 jokers you’ve already sentenced today with the same story. Mr. Officer, you were there, tell the judge, wasn’t it awful weather for driving? I could have killed someone if I stepped on the breaks and lost control of the car going four miles per hour! Not likely, but why tempt Fate? C’mon, Fellas, we all have hard-to-pronounce Polish last names, can’t we all just get along?!

It was quick, sad, unsettling and embarrassing, like when your little sister de-pants you on the fourth grade playground in front of all your co-ed friends--- er, hypothetically speaking. Ten minutes and 210 Alaskan Airlines miles later (hey, thanks Bank of America!), I left the courthouse, waved my white flag, and called my fiancé to determine how we would adjust for increased insurance rates.

The unexpected expenses all factor into the household bottom line, and subsequently, affect the wedding budget. (Looks like we’re going to have to cut out the roving wild swans AND the chocolate fountain.)

The underlying and much bigger issue is the ever-tightening squeeze on the American family wallet. Good financial planning includes an emergency slush fund: savings you can rely on when “life happens:” loss of job or reduced income, appendectomies, illness or death in the family, German Shepherd’s hip dysplasia, or the ol' shot-gun bundle of love in the oven. Surprise! Don't get me wrong, babies are beautiful whether they're planned or not. I’m just not ready for kids or to file for Chapter 13. I'm also more of a fan of the "planned" wedding, but maybe being a little more impromptu about this whole "gathered here today" thing would save us money and time! Too late for Vegas?

These days, how can anyone afford to maintain their slush fund, i.e. gas money?? In theory, the wedding budget is the back-up slush fund until it’s spent. That’s fine, because while we don’t have to serve red meat at the reception, we do have to pay Marlena’s bail.

This driving record blemish and minor financial setback is unfortunate, but the lessons learned have been humbling and priceless. It’s just too bad we’re not getting married in Alaska. I could have invited the Traffic Magistrate to be our officiant as part of the settlement. On second thought! There's that rule that we could ask anyone to marry us! And then we would have avoided expensive minister fees in Chicago. Better luck next time! (Just teasing, Brian) Now, if only I knew how I could save more money on my car insurance.

Where's that gecko... And does he take Visa... How bout a nice watch...

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