The Rules of the Bar

Posted by lushlife

Posted: May 8, 2008 - 11:27 am

Any nightlifer, whether close to retirement or just getting in the game, has to be aware that there are certain unspoken rules about the bar scene. Unspoken, however, often means that some of us didn’t get the memo.

Here are some bar-specific codes (house party rules are a whole ’nother column) compiled from my research and observation. Consider this a refresher as the summer party season approaches.

• If you can’t afford to tip, you shouldn’t be drinking at a bar in the first place. Stay home and save up until you can afford both.

• It doesn’t matter what bar you’re in, who you know or how you tip: Never be rude to the bartender. This includes pinching, making snide comments or jokes at their expense or generally acting like a jerk. Bartenders, though friendly, are doing their job. They may like you, but they aren’t serving you for free. And even close friends can be lousy customers if they have one too many.

• Do you chug your beer instead of pacing yourself? Have trouble controlling your volume? Start or encourage ridiculous fights that lead to head-butting and 86ing? Cause drama for no reason other than your own entertainment? Make out with your boyfriend or girlfriend’s sibling, best friend or archenemy? If you answered yes, my friend, you are “that guy/that girl.” It’s never good to gain that moniker, and it’s a really, really hard reputation to live down. Don’t do it.

• Don’t visit the bartender without knowing what you want to order. A bar is not a Starbucks. Do not embarrass yourself and ask what beers they have on tap when the taps are right in front of your face. Stick to Bud Light or study up on cocktails before going out. And when you get your drink, never — I repeat, never — go back and tell the bartender they made it “too strong.”

• If someone offers to buy you a drink, don’t change your brand to a more expensive variety (i.e., don’t order a $10 mojito if you’ve been drinking dollar beers all night). If someone offers to buy you a shot and you accept, finish it. I can’t stress this enough. If you can’t finish it, don’t accept it. Also, just because you buy someone a drink doesn’t mean that person is obligated to hang out with you. Don’t get miffed if they take it and leave — you’re the one who offered.

• If you are in a group of people and offer to buy the drinks, do not go to the bar without knowing what everyone wants ahead of time. If someone wants a complicated drink (or anything that involves a blender), have them order it themself.

This isn’t a complete list of bar rules, of course, so visit my Lush Life blog (play.adn.com/lushlife) for more tips, rules and Web sites, and feel free to give me your suggestions.

Oh yeah, one more rule to remember: You are never as good a dancer as you think.

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