adn.com | Talk Dirt To Me : Hoodlums, Thugs and Vandals!

Talk Dirt To Me

Do you love to make mud pies, grow a houseplant, eat veggies, or stop to smell the bouquet on your co-workers desk? Everyone enjoys a bit of green growing around him or her and then there are those that are passionate and needy when it comes to dabbling in the dirt. With this blog, we'll try to satisfy those needs and tell you about what's going on with the Anchorage gardening scene. You know, as I finally learned, it's all about the dirt.

Photographer and gardener Fran Durner (fdurner@adn.com) writes the blog.

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Hoodlums, Thugs and Vandals!

Posted by talkdirt

Posted: April 13, 2008 - 1:12 pm

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A face anyone could love - or not! Fran Durner/ADNThis morning I was held hostage in my home. First I was awakened between 2 a.m. and 3 a.m. by young men having a party in the church parking lot across the street (no, I didn't call the police.) And then, over morning tea, I noticed the foot prints in the snow criss-crossing my front yard. Only they weren't foot prints.

The moose were back again. Ruffians!

This moose licks his chops before diving under the barrier to snack on the cotoneasters. Fran Durner/ADNEvery year, my neighborhood has been the winter ranging grounds of a handfull of moose. Like a huddle of gangsters patrolling their turf, they roam the same streets and yards over and over. Usually a cow and calf, a few singles - even Buzzzwinkle has paid us a visit.

This year it's a little different. A calf, looks like a yearling, has been folllowing around a young bull, not much bigger than the calf. At first I thought it a cow until I got a good look between it's hind legs. They have been very visible all winter, making the rounds of the carefully cultivated and lovingly tended hedges and trees and uncovered plants. In other words, spreading their business among the local moose bistros. Sometimes under cover of night, but leaving the damage behind. The young hoodlums!

Just yesterday, at the Sears Mall Garden Show, I was commiserating with my neighbor Mary, whose husband had carefully constructed a wood and chickwire cage to cover the rhododendron outside their front door but had not covered the one in the back yard, and the moose had recently nailed it. I was apologizing for using tacky bright orange plastic barrier on the cotoneaster hedge that I am desperate to protect.

The moose pawed down the barrier to get to the cotoneasters. Fran Durner/ADNSo this morning I was truly shocked as I watched the older moose paw down the barrier in some places and work his head under the layers in others. All while the younger one watched and learned and snacked behind him! The harder I yelled, the more badly they behaved. What vandals they were!

This incredibly smart moose nosed around until he found a way under the layers of barrier! Fran Durner/ADNAnd then, when my yelling and waving and throwing of pebbles didn't solicit the slightest acknowledgement, (I couldn't hit the side of a barn if it was ten feet in front of me) I got out the pots and pans and banged them together.

That young thug turned, looked me square in the face, licked his lips and belched. The moose burped at me!! How insultingly rude could that be!!

I thought if only I had some moose roast left over I would spear it on a fork and threaten them with it. "You're moose meat! Dinner!" I wanted to yell.

Instead, since I couldn't go out the front door, I went into the back yard and stared good and hard at the moose skull covered in dried clematis vines.

Moose skulls are perfect for anchoring vining plants. Fran Durner/ADN"This is your fate," I fumed to myself, wanting my revenge.