What You Don’t Plan For

Posted by brideblog

Posted: February 28, 2008 - 9:50 am

Writing about wedding planning and the little stresses along the way has been interesting, if not down-right amusing. We’ve discussed the wedding dress, bridesmaid’s dress, gift giving and honeymooning… And there’s still more to-do, to-plan and to-vent about, so worry not that there will ever be a shortage of Wed Blog content.

But who ever plans that their fiancé/e won’t be there the day of the wedding? Two weeks ago, a good friend from college, about my age, went into the hospital with a swollen ankle and never came out. She was healthy, bright, beautiful, and engaged to be married.

Turns out, the swollen ankle and some subsequent chest pains were bi-products of her Stage 3 Leukemia, but she never found out, because by the time the doctor’s knew, she had already suffered a heart attack, severe brain hemorrhaging, and had gone from unconscious to comatose within 24 hours. She passed away Friday, February 15.

This blog entry is dedicated to her memory. We miss you, Kim.

It’s also dedicated to her fiancé, David. And to anyone who ever lost their loved one somewhere between the engagement and the wedding day.

I flew back home to Chicago for the funeral last week. Several friends shared memories of Kim in a collaborative eulogy: these were friends from all walks of life- childhood, college, career- and they shared some great stories about Kim, or about Kim and David. The part that surprised me was how much I laughed. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so much if at all at a funeral. But there were some GREAT stories. It was like Kim came back to life during the service and was there laughing with us, blushing at the unbridled energy with which we reminisced about her antics and how much we loved her for them.

These were stories that were meant to be wedding toasts. You could hear it, like an undertone. Like the delicate chime made by tapping a champagne flute and how it can be heard even in a noisy room. And the room was filled with everyone who would have been there the day of the wedding, but for one blatant exception. However, no one could deny that Kim was there in spirit.

I guess I just assumed sub-consciously that we all get immunity between major life events; that Life would strike a deal with us and carry us safely from one milestone to the next. From engaged to married; from pregnant to new parent; from Freshman year to college grad: these are all exciting things. And there’s a lot of work and dedication needed to get from one place to the next. We get busy with comprehensive to-do lists and timelines, making appointments, juggling work, priorities and obligations; we get busy Living; who would ever consider our best laid plans would be interrupted by something so distant and mundane. “I plan; therefore, I must live forever to get it all done…”

But we can’t live any other way, right? “Life is what happens when you’re busy planning it.” And death is part of life. Perhaps that’s why John Lennon didn’t say, “Life and Death are what happens when you're busy planning it…” Before my words become trite, I encourage you to take time today to let your loved ones know how much you love them. Life is frail, but Love never dies.

Epi-Blogue:
Kim Forbes is survived by her parents and her brother. My thoughts and prayers go out to them. I never met her mom and dad until the funeral but could tell right away where Kim got her heart of gold from. Her brother was serving in Iraq when she went into the hospital. The Red Cross brought him home safely for the services. Last I heard, he would be returning to complete his tour of duty.

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