Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away there lived a potentate named Sad Sam who ruled a land called Arock who warred with its neighbor, Ahardplace. The planet’s only superpower, the United Sions, after finding its foreign policy between Arock and Ahardplace, finally decided to back Arock in its eight-year war. So the US sent its secretary of death, Ronald Dumsfeld, to engage in a smoochothon with Sad Sam, who with lots of foreign military aid was able to gas his neighbors. That created a problem with a couple of outfits like Amnesty Watch and Human Rights International, which he promptly accused of anti-Arockism and went right on gassing Ahardplace, while the United Sions conveniently looked away.
Things went along swimmingly, no small feat in the desert, until Sad Sam made an oops. He tried to annex another neighbor, which he thought was okay with King George II of the United Sions, but which the king decided was not okay after consulting with his buddy, Maggie the Twitcher.
To make a short story long, Sam invaded his neighbor, Petro, on the premise that it used to be part of Arock until a couple of kings on the other side of the planet decided to partition the place to suit themselves.
King George’s advisers decided not to look the other way this time. They worshipped a God called Izzy, which happened to be a land not too far from Arock and Ahardplace, and Petro, for that matter. Now Izzy was considered God and therefore allowed to invade anyone it pleased, but any other country that did that kind of thing would be considered impersonating an Izzy, an act of blasphemy.
So the loyal subjects of the United Sions got into a fustercluck. They wondered how to react to the outrageous blasphemy on the other side of the planet. Should they riot in the streets? Should they storm the Arock embassy? Should they shout “Death to Arock” in the streets? They considered becoming suicide bombers, but cowardice was part of their Sionist religion.
A local politician, Snit Mommy, came to their rescue. He pointed out they were the 47%, who considered themselves victims of Arock and who decided that the government should do their terrorism for them.
So King George’s successor, George III, told his subjects Arock was a direct threat to attack the US with WMD, or the entire world, or harbored terrorists (the private sector kind, not the government kind), or got weapons grade uranium from a third-world nation, or had mobile weapons labs or needed to be liberated from Sam, or needed a new dictator in the name of democracy, or to stop an insurgency, or stop a civil war created by the US, anything but the truth, which violates the Sionist religion.
Fortunately, the US was a socialist country, which banned terrorism in the private sector because the taxpayers didn’t pay for it. So, the US, after getting permission from Izzy, of course, invaded not only Arock but also its neighbor, Stan. When some old fart on the other side of the planet droned on and on about threatening to run his wheelchair into some US tank, the new king, O’Bomba I, claimed the US national security was threatened and sent some of his drones to Stan’s neighbor, also named Stan.
I hope this little fairy tale about a galaxy far, far away will serve to divert the readers from our everyday worries with the assurance that things in real life could not possibly get that bad.