I have some advice for those five Somali men accused of firing assault rifles at a US Navy ship off the coast of Africa as they go to trial in Virginia for alleged piracy.

1) Conduct your own investigation to prove you acted in self-defense. The USS Nicholas crew members may have had some kitchen knives and some iron rods.

2) Accuse the US of deliberately provoking them by trying to run the Somali blockade of Africa.

3) Release the results of a Somali government investigation determining the attack was accidental.

4) Accuse the Nicholas crew members of links to al Qaida.

5) Oh, and it may help to change your religion and claim God promised US Navy ships to you.

6) Get $7 million a day in US military aid.